


Worthy

by SweetieFiend



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Hatred, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:28:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6821107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetieFiend/pseuds/SweetieFiend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan doesn't think he deserves Arin<br/>Done for a prompt on my side tumblr<br/>Trigger warning: death mention and self hatred</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worthy

**Author's Note:**

> I did this as a prompt and for this particular set up I actually took from personal experience. I've felt what Dan is feeling in this and lemme tell ya it sucks

“You don’t deserve Arin.”

  
That was the phrase that has been plaguing Dan’s mind recently. He remembers just watching Arin in the office one day and that horrible thought came up, and he stupidly lingered on the thought. It was because of Arin, Dan was able to have the career he has. If it wasn’t for Arin, Dan would still be living with his parents not going anywhere in life. Now whenever Arin showed Dan any affection, he felt guilty, he felt that Arin could do so much better than him. He was beautiful, funny and beyond generous. Dan however, was approaching his forties in a few shorts years and Arin is just hitting his thirties. He could find someone younger that could make him several times happier than Dan ever could. Should he break up with Arin? That would cause a major rift in the show and he couldn’t destroy Arin’s career because he wasn’t good enough. Dan’s mind was in a frenzy and Arin knew something was wrong, but whenever he tried to get Dan to open up, he changed the subject.

  
One morning as Dan sat in the recording room waiting to start, Arin came in with two coffee mugs and sat one in front of Dan.  
“I made you some tea. You seem out of it babe.” Arin said as he sat next to Dan. A twinge of guilt ached in Dan’s chest. Now Arin was taking care of him. Since apparently Dan was inept of taking care of himself and make his own tea.

  
“You don’t deserve Arin.”

  
The thought came through again. Dan stared at the mug as more and more thoughts came about in his mind.

  
“Arin can do better.”

  
“He can find a new, funnier, not so grump.”

  
“Arin can find someone younger to make him happy.”

  
“Maybe you should do Arin a favor and die so he can move on with his life.”

  
Tear silently ran down Dan’s face and Arin immediately panicked.

  
“Oh my god, Dan! What’s wrong?” Arin sat up and grabbed a box of tissues and offered it to his sobbing boyfriend.

  
“I don’t deserve you…” Dan cried, his face buried in his hands.

  
“W-What?” Arin questioned taken aback by Dan’s statement.

  
“I don’t deserve you Arin!” Dan yelled, looking at Arin. He choked out another sob.

  
“Arin, I don’t deserve you. You are literally the most amazing person in the world and you don’t realize it.” He wiped a few tears from his face. Arin stared at him confused.  
“Dan…where did this come from?” Arin asked, Dan stayed quiet. He looked down at the floor and held onto himself while he cried. Arin grabbed onto each of Dan’s arms and pulled him up, forcing them to make eye contact.

  
“Who said that to you?” Arin yelled. Dan didn’t answer, just quietly cried, Arin shook Dan.

  
“Tell me who told you that now!” Arin demanded but Dan shook his head.

  
“N-Noone…” Dan whispered. Arin let go of him and exhaled.

  
“So where the fuck did you get a stupid ass idea like that?” Arin asked. Dan steadied his breath before he spoke.

  
“I…I just…the thought just popped into my head. Arin, I’m almost forty and you’re going to be hitting thirty soon. It’s also because of you I have this amazing life and…I don’t deserve that. I wasn’t able to make the life I had on my own…you made it happen Arin…and I don’t deserve it…” Dan looked at Arin who was shaking his head.

  
“Dan…I-I don’t care! Who cares if you’re older than me? And who cares if I helped you out career wise?” Arin asked.

  
“But Arin, you don’t get that I needed you to do all of this for me. Otherwise, I’d still be bumming it with my parents.” Dan sat back in frustration.

  
“I should have died when I was a broke, stoned, loser. That way you’d be better off and I wouldn’t be a burden to anyone ever again…”

  
Dan felt the weight of Arin on his lap. Arin pinned Dan to the back of the couch and kissed his lips very hard, harder than Dan was anticipating. Arin wrapped his strong arms around Dan, pulling him so close to his body he was practically crushing Dan. Arin finally broke away when they were both out of breath. Dan looked up at Arin confused who had a very serious, angry look on his face.

  
“Don’t. Ever. Say. That. Again.” Arin stated very firmly.

  
“W-what..?” Dan asked quietly. Arin shook Dan and yelled with tears in his eyes.

  
“Don’t ever say that again! Who the fuck gave you the right to say that you don’t deserve me? I LOVE you Daniel. I want YOU Daniel. Please…don’t ever EVER say that you should have died…I-I can’t….” Arin leaned his head against Dan’s shoulder as he began to cry. Dan was stunned and he began to panic. He wrapped his arms around Arin and pulled him close.

  
“Arin…please…don’t cry. I-I didn’t mean it…” Dan apologized. He gently stroked Arin’s back and lightly kissed the top of his head. Arin pulled back and Dan felt guilty, he was the reason Arin was crying.

  
“Dan…I love you. You deserve me…we deserve each other.” Arin managed a small smile and brushed some hair from Dan’s face.

  
“If you ever feel like this again tell me sooner alright? So I can kick out those intrusive thoughts out and show you that you are the best boyfriend I’ve ever had.” Arin said. Dan nodded and looked away to wipe a few more tears away from his eyes. Arin bumped his forehead against Dan’s and forced eye contact.

  
“Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.” Arin smiled. Dan choked out another small sob but smiled and nodded.

  
“Yeah…always.”


End file.
